Author: Shafayet

April 29, 2013 / / 0 Comments

Dolphins are mammals so this means that the babies feed of there mums milk dolphins can’t breath under water. Dolphins have a tequince  called  echolocation

Reading passport

April 22, 2013 / / 0 Comments

DairyDairy of a wimpy kid cabin fever

it  all started  on Christmas  when Greg  got a doll for Christmas and and it walks and poo and does what a normall baby would so he lost the doll and the doll came to find him he got really creeped out

 

 

Paragragh

March 18, 2013 / / 0 Comments

It all started on Christmas morning when Luke is brother got more presents them him and all he got was a pair of school shoes at the time he was kind of selfish and only thought of himself and diden’t care about anyone else.

Colin changed his attitude towards his friends and family he started of selfish but learnt that other people matter. when he saw how ted was to see griff and have is company.  Colin  realised that Luke would want his brother next to him

“All i got is shoes this Christmas this shoes” This shows colin Started of selfish and got les and less selfish

The message that the auther is giving is that everybody is equal
they show this by Colin meeting ted Colin finally realised when griff died that griff would of wanted his perants near and next to him. The author gets the message around by Colin meeting ted and learning that his brother and griff nearly have the same illness and after griff dying Colin realised that going to find a cure for cancer is no point because there is no cure for cancer

Two weeks with the queen

March 15, 2013 / / 2 Comments

It all started on Christmas morning when Luke is brother got more presents them him and all he got was a pair of school shoes at the time he was kind of selfish and only thought of himself and diden’t care about {[anyone$_ eles.

February 13, 2013 / / 0 Comments
I chose this so the audience can see his sourandings

I chose this so the audience can see his sourandings

I chose this so the audience can be in his palce
I chose this so the audience can be in his palce

I chose this so u can see in his view

I chose this so u can see in his view

 

February 1, 2013 / / 0 Comments

How much can you see with your 5% of your vision(we are asking this question) 4

How do you win races with 5% of your vision.

How did it feel to win a race for the first time.

Mr Waugh’s Feedback on your Dystopia

December 30, 2012 / / 0 Comments

Strengths:

This story clearly demonstrates that you have taken a lot of notice of the ways that dystopian authors create suspense by using sensory description and by keeping information from their reader. Your writing is vivid. It is a great start to a larger piece, that introduces setting, character and the problem.

Advice:

Unfortunately, while you demonstrated in lessons that you were confident at using fronted prepositions, noun phrases and adverbials, you seem to have neglected to work many of these into your final piece in the re-drafting phase. Why do you think this is?

Another area for work is your sentence structuring. You tend to run your sentences together, or connect them using commas rather than full-stops. At this stage my advice is for you to be conservative, and when in doubt, make it a complete sentence.

Advanced Advice

One thing that I want to ask is: why did you avoid using any subordinate clauses or relative clauses in your piece? Since you successfully created these in class activities – what do you think it was that stopped you going back to your piece and developing some of the sentences that you’d written?

Here is your original writing with my detailed feedback:

[gview file=”http://sislam.community.edutronic.net/wp-content/uploads/sites/313/2012/12/Shafayet.pdf”]